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Corporate Policies

Our lawyers are of the utmost quality that our endowment can purchase. In good faith, they have drafted these corporate policies for the staff here at Newsweakly. Given our committment to the highest of ethical standards, we choose not to hide these policies, but rather to expose them to the light of the world, as we uncover their meaning.
  1. "Recuso reverenter ne respondeam, quia quicquid dicam id sit mendacium impudens"

  2. "Non solum fumo speculisque, sed etiam tintinnabulis fistulisque factum est"

  3. "Non vero damnum erat sed mutuum, quod scilicet in rationibus existimatur lucrum"

  4. "Consilii particeps non eram, tamen memini clare me rogare num id insidias oleret"

  5. "Quod raptus sum a transaetheriis, omnia quae evenerunt illo tempore de memoria mea exciderunt"

  6. "Omnes partes meas vendidi tantummodo eo, quod aegyptia sortilega mihi dixit mensem infaustum esse cuiquam societati quae vocalem in nomine habet"

  7. "Mihi autem pecunia opus erat ad domicilium emendum criceto filiae meae"

  8. "Discissorem esse xerographium perperam putavi"

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Translations

The translations provided here are only approximate and do not fully do justice to the nuance established by American jurisprudence.
  1. "Recuso reverenter ne respondeam, quia quicquid dicam id sit mendacium impudens"
    "I respectfully decline to answer on the grounds that anything might say would be a bald-faced lie"

  2. "Non solum fumo speculisque, sed etiam tintinnabulis fistulisque factum est"
    "It wasn't all done with smoke and mirrors - there were some bells and whistles, too"

  3. "Non vero damnum erat sed mutuum, quod scilicet in rationibus existimatur lucrum"
    "It wasn't really a loss, it was a loan, which of course shows up as a profit"

  4. "Consilii particeps non eram, tamen memini clare me rogare num id insidias oleret"
    "i was out of the loop, but i distinctly remember asking if it passed the smell test"

  5. "Quod raptus sum a transaetheriis, omnia quae evenerunt illo tempore de memoria mea exciderunt"
    "due to an alien abduction, i have no recollection of anything else during that particular period of time"

  6. "Omnes partes meas vendidi tantummodo eo, quod aegyptia sortilega mihi dixit mensem infaustum esse cuiquam societati quae vocalem in nomine habet"

    "i only sold my stock because a gypsy fortune-teller told me it was an unlucky month for any company with a vowel in its name"

  7. "Mihi autem pecunia opus erat ad domicilium emendum criceto filiae meae"

    "plus which, i needed cash to buy a comdominium for my daughter's hamster"

  8. "Discissorem esse xerographium perperam putavi"

    "i mistook the shredder for a xerox machine"

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Credit Where Credit Is Due

 The endowment purchased the services of this "lawyer" for USD$5.95 at a bookstore in D.C. And, before you think this was a shady transaction typical of the nation's capital, we should point out that, in the strictest sense of the word, our "lawyer" is a book by a fine author that we highly recommend for your reading pleasure (the link goes to Amazon.com):
X-Treme Latin: All the Latin You Need to Know for Surviving the 21st Century
by Henry Beard
Headline Books, London: 2004
ISBN-10: 159240104X
ISBN-13: 978-1592401048

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Except where expressly noted,
all materials are completely ficticious, facetious, sarcastic, and
© 2007 Lea Ann Mawler & Stuart Mawler