Irregular Reporting of Societal IssuesSM

"Get your news weakly"SM 20 November 2006

Democratic Campaign Strategists Urge Kerry & Gore To Run, Provide Ticket

Democratic strategists have reportedly been working behind closed doors, urging Senator John Kerry and former Vice President Al Gore to run. Sharp-eyed reporters for Newsweakly witnessed staffers for one of these same strategists buying one-way tickets for the two veteran campaigners at the Greyhound station in D.C.

Miami Makes Commitment To Mobility And Equal Access

Officials in Miami-Dade County, Florida stunned the country last week when they announced sweeping reforms to local social service policies. "We feel that it is increasingly necessary to guarantee access for all individuals from the moment they are born", said a spokesperson for the Miami-Dade Department of Health, ushering in the new sweeping policy. Years ago, the country was troubled by the move to assign Social Security numbers to all newborns, but officials with Miami-Dade County position this new development in the same light. "There are children in this country without access to their own cell phone number; we are simply trying to level the playing field", said Chip Sim, Program Manager for the Telecommunications for Responsible Access Potential (TRAP), an industry lobbying group that is helping the county implement the new policy. According to the new policy, all new births in Miami-Dade will be issued cell phone numbers in addition to a Social Security numbers. "We think this is a step in the right direction, allowing America's next generation to continue to be the world's most productive workers", said Mr. Sim. Technology companies were very excited about the news, hailing a new dawn for consumer access. "We are already working on a combined Bluetooth and RFID chip that will allow parents to interface more effectively with their newborns; this is a very exciting time for newborn communications technology", said Ray Dio, Senior Engineer with Nokia.

Surprisingly, not everyone is so optimistic about the technology. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) expressed concern about the as yet unknown effects of wireless electromagnetic radiation on the development of infants, urging more study using children from third-world nations. In addition, the American Psychological Association (APA) has taken the stance that RFID and Bluetooth connections are not yet stable enough to guarantee a consistent error- and guilt-free communication, like that between a mother and her child.


Mr. Sim responded on behalf of the industry saying, "TRAP welcomes discussions of the concerns, but are increasingly troubled by reactionaries who would prevent American leadership in this important area of child development and parenting technology; we must think about the children". Mr. Sim went on to cite several studies released by TRAP that confirm absolutely no impact from cell phone radiation on the development of infants. "These are scientifically sound, intensive, 6-day studies of the issue, leveraging a TRAP-defined study methodology, allowing us to get more data faster", added Mr. Sim, reacting to criticism from the medical community, centering around unorthodox research methods. Regardless of further study, it seems that the Miami-Dade decision hails the dawn of an inevitable future. "We are just improving on nature's own communications mechanisms", concluded Mr. Sim.

Food: New Cause For Concern

There has been a flurry of recent reports that increasingly link the consumption of all kinds of food products with mortality. "Frankly, the link is unavoidable", says Dr. Maye O'Naise, senior lecturer at Hardvard Medical School. Researchers with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta say they are not ready to make the link causal, but the evidence is mounting. "Food was the common factor in all the cases of death that we investigated", said CDC spokesperson Roland Baker. Initially, researchers were hesitant to make the connection. "We have always been told that food is good for you, but what we are finding now really calls that into question", said Dr. Tate R. Frye, a researcher focusing on polymers at MIT.

Dr. O'Naise urged public health officials to take a stronger stand against food, saying, "Only by severing the daily act of intake can we terminate the cycle of painful death that food causes". Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, Acting Surgeon General, cautioned that health policy decisions should not be made overnight and that more research would be needed. Health reformers were joined by activists Eric Schlosser (author of Fast Food Nation and Michael Moore in accusing the Surgeon General's office of pandering to the corporate interests of food producers and the restaurant industry. "The evidence is clear; food causes cancer and death. It is only the web of corporate money and lies that keep our government from admitting the truth", said Mr. Moore in a press conference late last week. For now, the controversy will continue with more research. Mr. Baker of the CDC concluded, "It will be a while until we have a definitive answer. Until then, I would recommend that Americans continue to eat".

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© 2006 Lea Ann Mawler & Stuart Mawler