Irregular Reporting of Societal IssuesSM

"Get your news weakly"SM 26 February 2007

Oscar Voting Controversy

Over the weekend, supporters of environmental causes applauded the results of the Academy Awards, which included an Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth in the category of best documentary film, long format. Many pundits have noted that the award represents a poke in the eye to the Bush White House and a victory for former Vice President Al Gore. However, on review of the results, Al Gore is still not a winner, since, technically, the Academy did not vote for Al Gore himself, and he neither directed nor produced the film.

Supporters of the former Vice President requested a recount. Critics on both sides of the award have been extremely vocal, with liberals demanding Al Gore be declared the Oscar winner and conservatives contesting the point. The matter is expected to be settled in favor of the Oscars by the Supreme Court in Gore v. Oscars.

Hybrids Increase Market Share

The US Department of Transportation (DoT) has taken the lead in helping the US increase its efficiency rating. Starting this week, the definition of "hybrid car" will be changed to include any car with "significant capacity for the storage, retrieval, and usage of electrical power for critical functions", according to the updated guidelines. According to regulators, this can be taken to mean any car with a battery. As a result, the penetration of hybrid cars in the US rose to 100% overnight, placing the US on the forefront of clean energy adoption. However, critics note that the efficiency of the nation's hybrid cars has also declined with this announcement. Congress has demanded an inquiry into the decline in hybrid efficiency.


American Intelligence Declining

New studies jointly sponsored by the DOH Center and La Société de la Prééminence Européenne (SPE), based in Lyons, France have found that intelligence scores for U.S. residents are on a steadily downward trend. The experts offer in-depth analysis of the causes that lie behind the trends. In particular, the studies cite blah blah blah, coupled with the effects of yadda yadda yadda, which lead to an overall intellectual apathy or whatever.

Jet Blue Hired By Pentagon

The US Government has long been in the business of outsourcing some functions like system development. However, this week, the Department of Defense (DoD) announced it would expand its outsourcing program in a new way. Over the weekend, spokespersons at the Pentagon announced that they would be signing a contract with the low-cost air carrier Jet Blue. Security and intelligence analysts praised the move, citing the above-average performance of Jet Blue. "The Jet Blue model is exactly what the Pentagon needs right now, so it just makes sense", said Senator Tom DeLay, who said he fully endorses the measure.

Human rights groups immediately began plans to sue on behalf of Jet Blue detainees. Pentagon officials, however, remain unfazed by the accusations of inhumane treatment of detainees at the hands of Jet Blue. One high-ranking officer reportedly said, "The company has clearly displayed an aptitude for handling open-ended detainee situations with a complete resistance to public outcry and common sense. That is exactly the kind of can-do attitude we are looking for".

Historically Weak


More Recently Weak

Back to Newsweakly Main Page

Except where expressly noted,
all materials are completely ficticious, facetious, sarcastic, and
© 2006, 2007 Lea Ann Mawler & Stuart Mawler