Newsweakly, 21 May 2007

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	Irregular Reporting of Societal Issues^SM

"Get your news weakly"^SM	21 May 2007

Meeting Attendees Adrift Local government employees were left completely perplexed and without a clue this week, when meeting organizers failed to provide a printed copy of the presentation being used for the meeting. Critics were vocal in their opposition to the situation, regarding it as a cause for work stoppage, though this was pointedly redundant, given that the complaints came in the midst of a meeting. Consultants from the private sector pointed out that the presentation materials were also being projected on the wall, but this solution was considered inadequate by the participants. Resolution came in the form of a commitment to schedule a follow-up to establish a series of meetings that will eventually authorize the creation of a steering committee that will direct a task force for the brainstorming of a group that will delegate the selection of a vendor, which will document a protocol for the establishment and proper conduct of meetings. The group is on a tight timeline, with final deliverables scheduled for June of 2013. Graduates Ponder Next Step This time of year brings graduations across the nation, from high schools to colleges to graduate schools. Many of these graduates are presented with tough choices for the first time in their lives, with questions that point to the heart of a young adult's self-image, questions like: what will my career look like? Where will I live? These questions are only amplified for graduate students, having spent significantly longer learning to negotiate the ins and outs of academia, essentially building a career out of education. This spring, Amanda Blame is among those contemplating what to do with her degree. Ms. Blame graduates from Brown University with a doctoral degree in English, focusing on the literary development of feminist theory. With such credentials, her possibilities seem endless, but the recently minted Dr. Blame has hard choices. "I have devoted my life to a prolix deconstruction of the world's texts, to prove, ceteris paribus, that males bear ultimate responsibility for the ills of the world. Despite the crucial relevance of my work, employers have not expressed the kind of sweeping gratitude I had expected", explained Blame. "This is, of course, simply evidence that the paternalistic, phallo-centric society continues to dominate", concluded Blame. Amanda Blame represents scores of bright young graduates from the elite universities. They possess striking credentials and the possibility of a long career, yet seem stymied at every turn. In Ms. Blame's case, part of the concern comes from the strength of her academic work. "Amanda raced through her dissertation in record time", says Dr. I. Ronnie, adding, "She was the envy of all other doctoral candidates because she was so young". But now, with a fresh doctoral degree, the bright-eyed 44-year-old Blame is unclear of her next steps. "My whole life has been devoted to education, so this is a bit difficult for me", says Blame, adding, "I'm not quite sure of my next step, but the JD from Harvard looks pretty promising".		Google Announces New Product Line Google, Incorporated, located in Mountain View, California, today unveiled a completely new product line. Co-founder Larry Page announced that the move would be "the most important development in the history of health care". Co-founder Sergey Brin echoed the sentiment, saying, "We are confident that we will come to dominate the health care market with superior search, parsing, and relevance algorithms". Consistent with the existing corporate branding strategy, the new line will be known as Google Health^TM. Following the expectations set out by Brin's statements, the first product to be announced in the Google Health^TM line is Google Dialysis^TM. According to the press release, Google Dialysis^TM will leverage the company's core competencies in search and relevance matching to filter out the mountains of crap that the world throws at a person's kidneys. Industry analyst Gunter Grossehardt is bullish on the development, saying "The Google spam filter is nearly flawless, so I have no doubt of their ability to filter pathogens out of person's blood. It's really the same thing". Other analysts are not so sure. Seattle-based analyst for the heath care software industry Minnie Latteh points out that Google's increasingly popular gmail sometimes "put messages from my mother in the spam folder", though this has not been a convincing argument against the company's spam algorithms. Whatever their abilities, Google clearly intends to preserve its own quirky identity. The buttons on the Google Dialysis^TM machine number only two and include "Start" and "I'm Feeling Lucky". Co-founder Page insists that the company's new-found commitment to health care runs far deeper than the well-known diseases with a high news-making factor. "Our vision includes the total health and wellness of the entire person", says Page, adding, "Which is why we have created a web site that will search the history of all self-help traditions, boiling them down to their essence, based on their statistical relevance". Company spokespersons emphasize the goal of the new web site is to address the problems of heightened stress and emotional difficulties facing the working population of most developing nations. The web site will be marketed under the brand "gSpot". Google's Vice President for Product Management, Susan Wojcicki said she hopes "with appropriate viral marketing techniques, gSpot will become a resource for stress relief around the world". Weakly Help Wanted Large international financial institution looking for good executive talent. Must be a U.S. citizen and/or crony. Position offers marvelous opportunities for referral bonuses to friends, relatives, and girl / boy friends. Ethical standards a plus, but can be flexible. No financial experience required, however, experience pillaging assets from uncooperative countries will be considered a plus.

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© 2006, 2007 Lea Ann Mawler & Stuart Mawler