Irregular Reporting of Societal IssuesSM

"Get your news weakly"SM 20 October 2008

Structure Of Financial Bailout Taking Shape

Despite the passage of the economic bailout measure, the markets have continued to be extremely unsettled, leading to a spiral of further panic. As a result, the Treasury Department has worked overtime to set up the necessary structures that will provide sufficient trust to slow the slide, if not turn the economy around.

One key question has been the identity of the agency targeted for administration of the plan. According to inside sources, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson will be turning control of the bailout over to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).

"We are not really surprised by this turn of events, since this situation represents a financial storm of significant proportions. Besides, the wording of the bill clearly indicated their intent to leave this to FEMA", says John Stele-Monet, senior analyst with Unsecured Lines of Security Trading, LLC (ULOST). Mr. Stele-Monet refers, of course, to the language in Section 101 of H.R. 1424, which defines the program as the Troubled Asset Relief Program (or 'TARP').

According to sources close to the effort, the TARP will extend over the most of the nation's financial house, as the assets within the house are restructured. Recognizing the magnitude of the calamity, officials at FEMA have indicated that they will not wait for the TARP to extend to all areas. To address the needs of the economy more quickly, FEMA is considering the creation of a lightweight financial vehicle, into which assets can be moved and separated from the financial houses that are in such crisis. At present, officials have named these vehicles TrAILRs (Troubled Asset Investor Liberation Recovery vehicles), following the successful model used in New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina.

Some critics are concerned that both the TARP and the TrAILR will become permanent features of Wall Street in the same way that they have become features of New Orleans. FEMA officials counter that their primary goal is to get Wall Street back on its feet again, so they have no desire to make the TARP and associated
[see next column...]


[...from previous column]
TrAILRs permanent, though they acknowledge that some of the financial houses may need to use the tools longer than most people would like, if they had the choice.

McCain Campaign: Obama Dangerously Hawkish

The presidential campaign of Republican Senator John McCain today released statements questioning the judgment of Democratic party candidate Senator Barack Obama, based on his very recent and very public association with known war-mongers. "Can we trust a man who has the endorsement of a dangerous hawk who foolishly led the country into armed conflict in the middle east?", asks the campaign statement released late Monday.

Said Republican vice-presidential nominee, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, "Just who is this Colin Powell, anyway and why is Senator Obama spending so much time with him?". "I just don't know why anyone would trust the future of this great country to a guy who is friendly with war-mongers and terrorists", added Palin.

McCain Continues Winning Strategy

Though some analysts have already begun to write the obituary for the Presidential campaign of Republican Senator John McCain, spokespersons for the campaign and the candidate himself continue to insist that the current situation is going according to plan. In particular, they note that McCain spent much of the 2000 election cycle behind his opponents. Despite their official upbeat attitude, the campaign has reportedly hired key strategists from both the Gore and Kerry campaigns to reinvigorate their efforts. Said one spokesperson, "hiring these Democratic Party strategists is just one more way of reaching across the aisle in a non-partisan way. We know that the Republicans have a lot to learn from the Democrats about grasping defeat from the jaws of victory. In fact, we really hope to learn something more about that on election day".

Add to Google

Historically Weak


More Recently Weak

Back to Newsweakly Main Page

Except where expressly noted,
all materials are completely ficticious, facetious, sarcastic, and
© 2006, 2007, 2008 Lea Ann Mawler & Stuart Mawler