Irregular Reporting of Societal IssuesSM

"Get your news weakly"SM 5 March 2009

AIG Still Looking for Missing $69 Billion

Spokespersons for Insurance giant AIG have apologized for losing $61.7 billion in the fourth quarter of 2008. "Dude, that was totally our bad", said the AIG spokesperson, adding, "Can you, like, spot me a few Gs until I can score some on my own?"

According to sources close to the company, executives have been looking everywhere for the missing capital. They began by retracing their steps over the last three months, including going to all the hotels where they had corporate retreats and asking the bartenders if anyone had turned in a big bag of cash. They also went back to Starbucks, since they remember taking a big wad of the cash with them when they stopped in for a venti, skim, no foam, no whip, extra shot, white mocha.

Government auditors have requested to have executives check the pockets of their dry cleaning and underneath the cushions of their couches. "I can't tell you how much money Wall Street loses under the cushions", said an SEC auditor.


AIG executives have asked American taxpayer/stockholders to keep an eye out for the missing $61.7 billion.

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