Irregular Reporting of Societal IssuesSM

"Get your news weakly"SM 24 October 2005

Business Trip Behavior Concerns Co-Workers

Fellow attendees of the 25th annual Portable Sanitation Conference (PSaC) in Lubbock, Texas, expressed concern regarding the behavior of fellow conferee Bill Friendly. According to reports, questionable behavior began Tuesday night, when the 42-year-old married father of two declined to join a group bound for Lizzies Emporium, a local gentlemen´s club. According to eyewitnesses, Mr. Friendly told the gathered group that he was intending to call his wife, wish his kids a good night´s sleep and then get some rest.

In an interview immediately following the incident, Stan Khee, 36-year-old married father of one said, "There is somethin´ really wrong with that guy", before slumping into a chair. "He´ll never get very far in this business if he can´t rub a few elbowses over drunks... uh, drinks", added Doug Pitz, 39-year-old married father of four, punctuating his statement with a hiccup. "It just ain´t natural", concluded John Thomas, 43-year-old bachelor, after draining his 8th bottle of Bud Ice, adding, "I´m drivin´! Let´s roll!"

Conference coordinators could not be reached for comment, but insiders consider Mr. Friendly´s antics and gross disrespect for tradition a troubling sign of the erosion of professionalism at PSaC.

Local Doctor Has God Complex

Sources close to Dr. Peter Grendel report observing displays of significantly increased bravado and a generally annoying demeanor. "It was bad enough when he was just an OB/GYN, but since he opened his own fertility clinic he has just been intollerable", reported nurse Betty Weener, "it´s like he´s become some kind of monster".

Dr. Grendel´s mother refused comment for this article, but an elderly aunt, Bea Wolfe, said, "We can´t understand it. Peter was such a sweet boy. He always wanted to help people."


One couple that would only comment on condition of anonymity said, "He was... coming at us from all sides. He kept clearing his throat, and he was wearing this huge gold chain that was blinding me when it flashed in the light. I started to get dizzy, and he asked me to kiss his ring." Holding his wife´s hand while she broke down, the husband of this couple continued for her, shaking his head sadly, "He said if we didn´t do what he said, that we didn´t want to have children."

In an exclusive interview with Newsweakly, Father Dom Iglesia, Grendel´s priest, said that he had quietly asked Grendel to stop attending mass. "He kept saying ´praise be to me´," reported the priest. "It was troubling to the other parishoners."

Another anonymous patient claimed to be happy with the result, but refused to see Dr. Grendel again. "Something about the way he looked at my newborn and said, ´Ah, my child...´ That really made my skin crawl", said the unnamed mother.

Opinions about the severity of Dr. Grendel´s delusions differ sharply. "Sure, he can get you pregnant, but what happens when you get a terminal illness?", asked Dr. Colin Heath, an oncologist with Johns Hopkins and former med school classmate of Dr. Grendel, "then you all just come crawling to me. Only I can save you."

Dr. Grendel officially refused comment for this article, but not before saying, "It would be a miracle if you got pregnant without coming to me."

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