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Irregular Reporting of Societal IssuesSM |
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| "Get your news weakly"SM | 8 January 2007 |
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Apple Changes WorldAs expected, Apple announced the predictably named iPhone at MacWorld in San Francisco. Equally as predictably, this device has changed the world. The device is so slick and simple to use that it has already cured some forms of cancer. Early users of the iPhone applaud its typically simple design. One of the major changes is Apple's elimination of all those confusing buttons common to most phones. Instead of the traditional keypad, the iPhone has one, simple-to-use button and an "apple" key. With just these two items, the iPhone user can watch movies, listen to music, store data, and many other things. Industry insiders also indicate that the iPhone makes calls, as well, though this has yet to be independently verified.
Saddam Absent From TrialAccording to several leading news agencies, Saddam Hussein, ousted Iraqi dictator, will be absent this week from his own trial for crimes against humanity. NPR reported that the chair reserved for Saddam remains empty. Analysts report that this is not the first time Saddam has walked out on the proceedings, noting that this is a common tactic for the irascible former dictator. Insiders, however, suspect that there may be more to the situation, citing recent legal events within Iraq. Newsweakly will continue covering this story as events unfold.
Universities Debate Critical IssuesPutting aside petty concerns, the nation's colleges recently began a critical debate surrounding the very future of education in America. At some universities, there was even talk of student strikes. "The BCS Bowl System is like totally flawed, dude", said Boise State freshman Judd Greek. "Football is the glue that binds the American educational system together, so we need to treat this issue with the seriousness of any other academic crisis facing our youth", said one university president speaking on condition of anonymity. |
Australians Reportedly Speak EnglishReports emerging from reliable sources in the southern hemisphere indicate that residents of the Australian continent largely speak a strange form of what is described as "English". As yet, these reports have not been independently verified. However, in a related story, anthropologists returning from an insignificant, yet mountainous island chain south of Fiji report similar findings regarding the indigenous population. Equally as shocking is the revelation that this island chain contains human inhabitants, since it had long been believed to be entirely populated by sheep.
New Development Methodology Takes HoldSeveral major consulting firms have unified behind an increasingly popular IT software development methodology. In the past, IT would waste millions of dollars and thousands of staff hours attempting to determine how solution would be used and how it would fit into some wider vision of the company, its existing software investment, and its future vision of itself. The new methodology recognizes the impediment that such questioning presents to the plans laid out by Marketing. Instead, the new methodology delivers software exactly as the customer requested. "Just because they are shareholders, IT people have been under the impression that they have some stake in the outcome of the development; our new approach addresses that misconception directly", said IT industry analyst Grady Booth. Case studies of the productivity to be gained include all industries and particularly governmental agencies. In the government sector, IT consultants have been able to increase the rate at which expensive, highly dynamic web sites have been created to support static content for niche markets. "We couldn't be happier with the result", said one consulting company's CFO, adding, "this is a win-win situation for us". |
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all materials are completely ficticious, facetious, sarcastic, and
© 2006, 2007 Lea Ann Mawler & Stuart Mawler
