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"Get your news weakly"SM 11 August 2008

Nintendo Poised To Release Next Generation Game System

Nintendo launches the enWii, the latest in its Wii-based franchise and reportedly a radical shift for the company. "The enWii specifically rejects the interactive paradigm", says Nintendo spokes person Sylvia Plather.

Importantly, the new Nintendo enWii follows in the footsteps of its well-known Wii forebears, breaking whole new ground in the area of game controllers. Instead of jamming the same tired old clichés of "interactivity" down our throats, the enWii system opts for a cleaner, simpler interface that most users find less taxing, less intrusive, and less demanding. "We have performed extensive studies comparing the passive play abilities of children exposed to both the traditional game controllers and the new enWii", says Dr. Luigi Mariano of the Detroit Community College Center for Passive Play Studies and Methadone Clinic. "We found that children were more thoroughly engaged in passivity, when presented with the enWii", concluded Dr. Mariano.

The most revolutionary item about the enWii is the special game controller. "When we started working on the enWii, we literally threw out the controller", says Mahn-Ki Bowzer, head of the enWii design team. The result is a radically new interface paradigm that is called the IBCM, or Integrated Binary Control Module. The IBCM allows users to toggle between the major operational environments; passive play mode (sometimes called "on") and active play mode (sometimes called "off"). "One of our key innovations is that the IBCM take the wireless concept in an entirely new direction", says Bowzer, "With this system, unlike other major systems, there is no chance of losing your connection between the game console and the controller. Even better, there are also no unsightly wires".

Independent experts agree. "The IBCM really allows passive play to reach a pinnacle unseen with other game systems", says Jay Nerdley, president of Passive Gamers Alliance, speaking from a couch in his mother's basement in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. "With this system, not only are you liberated from constantly fiddling with a confusing arrangement of buttons during play, but initial setup was a snap, since the IBCM and the game station are integrated", said Nerdley, adding, "I guess that's what the 'I' in IBCM stands for… I never really thought about it before".


With the new Nintento enWii, you can sit in any position you like, while you watch your avatar put is virtual head into the enWii VGO (Virtual Gas Oven). Watching your avatar turn on the virtual gas over and over again, reconfirming the useless futility of the whole world is guaranteed to be virtually a good time.

The Nintendo enWii system, like its predecessor, the Wii, also allows users to created personalized avatars to represent themselves inside the enWii environment. Users have a variety of standard shapes and colors at their disposal, which which to express their individuality, including a horizontal line and fifteen shades of grey. If users prefer, they can also select from one of the preset, example avatars. Some of the presets include "stick figure", "morose face", "faceless head", "headless body", "disembodied heart", and the standard default formless patch of inscrutable grey.

Nintendo reports that initial user testing of the enWii system with groups of student artists, poets, and philosophers in Paris were extremely positive.

Edwards Forges Maverick Political Path

Former Senator and Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards has always sought his own path in the world of politics. Last week, the public was sharply reminded of Edwards' maverick ways.

While Edwards clearly follows in the venerable tradition of the Democratic Party, where men are dashing and of questionable fidelity, he was unwilling to blindly follow the program laid out by the leaders in whose footsteps he has sought to follow. In the cases of John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton, extramarital affairs were an expected part of the Oval Office Experience, but Edwards cut a bold new profile by diving directly into a messy public affair without the cumbersome requirement of actually being elected president.

"This is what the party has always admiring about Senator Edwards; he has remained willing to give of himself, without any apparent compelling need to hold office", said Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean.

In related news, Hillary Clinton reportedly had an affair with an un-named young male staffer. The young man reportedly told reporters, "Help me, please, God, help me!"

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