Irregular Reporting of Societal Issues^SM

Palin A Breath Of Fresh Air To Conservative Base

While remaining largely ignorant of her actual record of governance, while in office in Alaska, conservatives have focused on Palin's family credentials, as evidenced by her five children. "Just look at her family and you can see how much she embodies the traditional American family values and why she would make a fabulous leader", says Jeremiah Polk, a minister and convention delegate from Iowa, adding, "The very importance of her family values makes discussion of her family completely off-limits, at least to the angry left".

While not entirely clear of what her daily duties would be as vice president, Palin says that she intends to bring strong, traditional, conservative Family Values TM back into governance. At a recent scripted press event, Palin urged Americans to support her press for Traditional Family Values TM by joining her to repeal women's suffrage. The nearly all-female crowd, sporting more than a few Hillary Clinton t-shirts, cheered emphatically in their uncritical support.

Democrats Increasingly Concerned

"We are so screwed", said Senator and super delegate Patrick Leahy (VT), putting voice to the thoughts of many. Leahy went on to add, "We really had a chance to win this. I mean, c'mon, the Republicans can't find their fannies with both hands right now, so what do we do?
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[...from previous column]
We try to nominate two people with more possibility to polarize the nation than ever before. We truly must be the party of self-loathing".

"We have just realized that our presidential nominee is not only black, but he has a really funny, Middle-Eastern-ish name", said Iowa voter Julia Whiteman, adding, "What were we thinking?"

Jon Stewart, the political conscience of the moderate left, reminded people that he had specifically made fun of Barack Obama's name when he first gave the keynote address at the 2004 Democratic Party convention, at the request of failed nominee John Kerry.

Experts have begun counseling the Democratic Party stalwarts to realize that they did their best and followed their conscience, even if it leads to yet another round of disappointment. "What party insiders need to understand is that, even if they had not nominated a person of color, they would have nominated a woman", says political analyst Mark Tyme. M.T. Head, another politics watcher agreed, adding, "More than that, their second choice was more polarizing than almost anyone, except perhaps Sarah Palin. Hey, I guess Palin and Clinton are more similar than I thought!"

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